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09-Sep-2017 08:37

This may not be real, but it’s definitely a much-needed addition to Drake’s persona, and that’s far more important. (Though I imagine it’s texting Rihanna “U up” with an eggplant emoji and calling that a long-term relationship.) And it seems right for Jennifer, too.Kate Knibbs: They are dating and it is “real” in the sense that they are spending time together, French kissing, and making Papi-based jokes, but it is not “real” in the sense that Drake still loves Rihanna more than anything and J. The realer (and crasser) question is if Drake has had sexual relations with that woman, Jennifer Lopez. Even if he hasn’t, perception is reality in celebrity dating. Which means that Drake has now officially surpassed Derek Jeter as the GOAT biracial swordsman. Davis: To answer the questions laid out before us: I do think Drake and Jennifer Lopez are really dating (or at least casually and consistently boning), and of I care. I’m actually very pro a Drake and Jennifer Lopez relationship, if we can get the portmanteau right. She needs someone fun she can boss around and who will worship her.Remember that one time he made out with Serena and we all lost our minds? I imagine it would work much like the plot in that terrible Joseph Gordon-Levitt movie in which Julianne Moore is the older woman who teaches a porn-obsessed young buck the real ways of love and lovemaking.Drake-Lo has that potential, especially since you he’s had a crush on her since his bar mitzvah days. Maybe.) Drake is a total fuckboy who needs to reform because he’s rapidly maxing out on the allotted time in which one is allowed to write Fuckboy Anthems. Maybe this will be the relationship that makes him grow up and write songs that demonstrate some sort of healthy reverence for women and an understanding of a mutually respectful, loving relationship with another human being instead of whatever it is he’s been doing.

(That’s a little therapy gift from me to you.) But we, as a celebrity-watching community, need to be a little more precise about our language on this stuff. That’s for Drake, whose needy-cornbread act practically begs for a foil, preferably one he very performatively knows is out of his league.

BTW, they left from the same house, seconds apart ...